Oops......I got hurt.

Hurt is a four letter word in English but its effect is far reaching. When do people get hurt? Or when do they feel that someone has hurt them? They may get hurt through someone’s words or their behaviour. People hurt people by their way of talking, meaning something and behaving with them in an unpleasant manner. It can come as heavy when it is from very close ones. In loved ones, family and friends could hurt you. When the hurt comes from very close ones that is when you feel the hurt dreadful. You feel the mental pain and heaviness in your heart. It feels that you are carrying a 100 kilo bag over your back and hovering around. You feel that your life is devastated. You may not function properly with efficiency. You feel that zombies are better than you. The entire life comes to a standstill. So when this hurt comes and takes the control of your life, you need to seek help. You need to re-consider your thoughts and feelings and take proper action. A hurt can be of varied nature. It may be a bad breakup, conflict between parents or children, argument with your boss or co-workers, dispute between spouses etc. So what should we do or carry out when this hurt takes a strange hold and control our life. There are certain actions you may take to feel normal and good about yourself and be back with zeal and enthusiasm.

1.      Define pain: What is it bothering you? Is it the words that caused you pain or their treatment or their behaviour? Check if the person is close to you. If the person is not very close to you then treat this as a casual talk. Don’t bother so much as he/she is not very important person to you and they do not serve any purpose to your life. Stop feeling bad about it at once. Treat them with a pinch of salt. May be they are doing this to everyone. They actually need help and have to get treated by the Psychiatrist. It’s not you.

2.       Express the pain: One of the important things you should do is to express your feelings. Half the battle is won. If the pain is due to the words said by your close ones, then talk to that person. Tell them what is bothering you or causing you a pain. You can also tell them that they need to be very careful and not tread in the wrong path while talking to you. Tell them it is a sensitive issue and should not be discussed time and again. Henceforth that person would be extra careful and would not utter the words that will ache you. If the other person does not understands you or going on talking and giving the opinions from their end, then you need to press stop button or ignore. You cannot win here but do not feel bad as every lost battle is a ladder for a big triumph. May be it is a matter of time that they will understand your position and would make amends shortly.

3.      SOAR Approach: Define the situation. How is the situation? How did the situation arise? What are the obstacles that you face in communicating with this person? What all actions you would take in relation to this situation? Note the results you get in return when you your methods to avoid hurt. If the result is very positive, use this approach. Else re-view the situation and try different actions to get the desired result.

4.      Music and Time allocation: Whenever we face some unpleasant moments with someone, give yourself a me time. Get your CDs together and play some songs which will soothe your mind. Also watch some comedy serial or movie to reduce the much caused stress by the words and gesture. Allocate time to worry. May be you could define the time of ‘worrying’ to half an hour at the end of the day. This will cause less amount of pain and in that process you will forget that you have saved that time of worrying as at the end of the day you will have thousands of good things to share and laugh.

5.       Life is not that complicated: Each and every day comes with loads of pleasures and its own setbacks. You do not have to fret so much over one topic or issue that has cropped up because of someone. You are the sole person who thinks that what other person has said is hurt or it is just a casual remark. Not only the person caused you the stress is responsible for this situation but also you are equally responsible. Why? Hmm, because thinking and rethinking about that particular misunderstanding or moment is making you hurt more. So, pause for some time. Take things one at a time and tread slowly. Take a deep breath and listen to your heart beat for a while as this exercise would calm your senses and you are ready to conquer the world all over again.

Hurt is a short word in English but in our lives it impacts so much that it leaves a mark on our heart. Sometimes, it would be a cause for break in a relationship. So everytime someone throws the words at you, think about it, Is it worth picking up a battle with them or is it okay to lose this battle? Not every battle is to be lost. At the same time, you cannot win every battle. So balance your equation with the person by voicing out your opinions and at times by being silent. Controlling the hurt is an art.

My Muse

Wherever I go, I find you

Sometimes you are small and sometimes you are big

You go with the transport; you hang yourself in front of the store

When I start to utter something, you make your appearance before me

When in love, person keeps on using you, yet you are quiet and stoic

Sometimes people fall short of you,

Writers need you like it is a basic necessity

When people chat over phones, over networking apps,

They need you as their support

If you did not exist, communication must have never taken birth

As I walk I see you often

You come across as a stalker

More than I chasing you,

You chase my thoughts and occupy my mind

I need you now, I will need you tomorrow

For my day is incomplete without you

Book Review - The god of Small Things

BOOK – GOD of SMALL THINGS

Author – Arundhati Roy

ISBN -    0-06-097749-3

Published on : 1997

Pages: 158

My Rating:  3.5 /5

“The Way her body existed only where he touched her. The rest of her was smoke.” – God of Small things

The God of Small things is a debut novel and Masterpiece of Indian Author Arundhati Roy. The plot is entirely based in a town named Ayemenem which is a part of Kottayam town in God’s own Country Kerala. The book is semi – autobiographical work of the author. Arundhati Roy has incorporated her own experiences in Ayemenem and her innocent childhood days in that place.

It is based on life and the experiences of the two-egg twins or fraternal twins named Rahel and Esthappen. The tale brings about a beautiful blend of Caste system, Catholic class, Keralite community and cultural tensions. Initially the story dates back to 1969 when the twins are seven years old and later to 1993 when they are 31-year old. At this age, they are reunited. Author had captured the aspects of Kerala and the emotions of a Keralite class. Most of the story is viewed from the twin’s perspective. Roy has certainly used the children’s ideas and their innocence as the base of the story. The turbulent and disturbed childhood of the twins is exhibited in a proper manner and grips the reader tightly from beginning to end. It talks about the inter-class sexual relations, a social stigma by narrating the example of Vellya Paapen who discovers his son crossing the line and tries to commit suicide. Above all, love is something which knows no culture, political and social backgrounds.

Author starts her story by showing Rahel’s return to Ayemenem after hearing that her twin brother, Estha has come home. Story revolves around the death of Sophie Mol – twins’ half English cousin, untouchable comrade Velutha, an affair with Velutha which turns Ammu’s life upside down, separation of the twins’, discrimination of the classes, infidelity. Each character has got their own identity in the plot and there is no escape from the emotions that each one is portraying. We could get an overview of what are the laws that is binding them together and who should be loved and how much they should be. The book switches to the wounded past and the consequences of those can be felt in the present.

The book won the Booker Prize – Premier and coveted prize for fiction in the English literature. It reached fourth position on the New York Times best sellers fiction. Roy has created a moving plot wherein the story is centered on all the characters and none of them are left out or neglected. The relationship of twins is weaved aesthetically and they are attributed as one person with two hearts, minds and body. Book reflects the realistic problems faced by the author in her own country and abroad. The final chapter is based on the affair of Velutha and Ammu where they make love. They even share the small things and admire them as they meet each night. When they again get involved on the last night immediately before Velutha’s death, Ammu repeats the word “Tomorrow” (Roughly translated in Malayalam - Naaley) as they usually say this each night to one another. At the outset, beautifully written and incredibly moving.

Talking about the languages and expressions used in the book, one could smell Kerala and the air of Malayalees. Some verses and the words are closely associated with the state. It brings back the fresh memories of Kerala and its nature. The nature, lushness and the personification of the setting of Ayemenem gives a sensuous and magnifying effect.

The main Characters in the plot:

1.       Ammu: The divorced mother of fraternal twins who was a wife of alcoholic tea estate manager. She leaves her husband to live with her mother and brother in Ayemenem. Later she becomes a love of the worker – Velutha and they get involved physically. The description of their relationship is depicted well by the author.

2.       Baby Kochamma: Sister of Pappachi, Father of Ammu. She has done her education in America. She stays unmarried and was prey to love affair with young priest in her youth days. She tries her best to pull down Ammu and twins’ throughout the plot. She convinces the police that Ammu and her children were responsible for their Cousin Sophie mol’s death.

3.       Rahel: Estha’s twin sister who is a clever and intellectual person.

4.       Esthappen: Rahel’s twin brother who is intelligent, pragmatic in his approach and responsible for his acts.

5.       Chacko: Brother of Ammu who is married to an English Lady called Margaret. He gets on to the business of Paradise Pickles and preserves soon after he gets a divorce from his wife.

6.       Velutha: He is an untouchable (dalit). His carpenting and mechanic skills make him vital to the factory. He faces lot of resentment from the people working in the factory mainly due to his class. His secret affair with Ammu gets a disagreement with Ammu’s family and Baby Kochamma holds Velutha responsible for the tragedy in her family.

Some dislikes:

1.       Ungrammatical constructions and unrelated sentences. It needs a thorough editing.

2.       Repetitive phrases and sentences provide us a feeling of Poetry.

3.       Author does not have clarity on political aspects and hence poses a vague opinion on the political issues.

Story of real life, unexpected happenings in childhood, struggles of community and classes in Kerala State makes this novel a viable one to read and does not restrict it to be elevated to the Nobel Prize category.

Letter to the beloved who is dead and gone

When the oceans flow

My heart whirls around

When the plants sway

I watch you move and dance

When the river water touches me

I think it is you as the touch is so gentle

My love, you left me years ago

But our love is still clear, still fresh

The love so real and strong

Time can never say good bye

It will dwell in our hearts

Till the time I say bye to this earth

Or may be never even if I lose myself

Gratitude

It was sunny day in the month of April. I had my breakfast in the morning. I thought “Let me listen to some music.” I started my player in my laptop and was busy humming the tunes of latest Tamil hits. Simultaneously, I started my gmail to check my emails. And there she stood with her writer’s eye. I clicked the mail and tried to read each and every word slowly and steadily.  It read - We are looking for writers who can pen down few stories from different parts of south India. Are you interested to join us in this beautiful journey? It was signed by Deepa Balasubramanian. I was counting my blessings at that moment when I read those words. Also I was very glad as I got an opportunity from an inspirational author to work with her. Last year on this date, we started this journey of The Plantain Leaf – Our book title which is an assortment of south Indian tales. We have completed one year and as we march ahead we have received much support and encouragement from whoever we have as our closed ones in the corridors of life. We look forward to see seamless support which will make us pen more beautiful and delightful stories. The Plantain Leaf would remain as my first baby and I would like to thank my friend/ writer Deepa who made this happen and who also helped me to touch my dream. A big hands to her and all those audience who never ever cease to offer their love towards us. I extend my gratitude Deepa. Keep writing and Keep transforming lives.