I met my college friends recently
and we finally sat in a café for much needed caffeine infusion because what we
thought as a retail therapy turned into a retail fatigue. The café looked like
a snug retreat with four of us flipping the pages of the old college diaries
and reminding ourselves that how we have transformed over the years. Physically
a lot but mentally we are still the crazy bunch who get excited with shopping
expo and art exhibitions, meandering our way like those socialite aunties in
Feb afternoons.
Our conversation went on for
hours and it finally rested on a question that strongly demanded me to write an
entire page about it.
“What is the first gift you gave
yourself from your first pay- check, from your first job?
Our coffee and cake arrived and
so did the answers. Each bringing on their own flavor and reminiscing the
memories attached to it. My eyes rested on my plain Jane gold ring. What is it
about this ring that makes it extra special? Is it because that my mother
insisted that I purchase something for myself and I ended up purchasing this?
Is it because I loved the way it jelled with my ring finger giving it a
prestigious demeanour? Nothing I could decipher. Nothing I could make out. I
thought for a while and all of a sudden I blurted out with conviction. I don’t
know from where the words made its way but all I could utter was “I am forever engaged
to myself”. It took a moment or two for the words to crystallize. My friends
looked stricken, wore an expression of curiosity. I raised my right hand and
placed it on the table to show them my pretty token of love for myself. I was
buzzing with pride. Truth was glaring in front of them or to put it in better
words it was ‘glittering’.
The time has passed and things in
my life have taken a big leap. Yet the ring is still stuck with me, on my finger.
Like a reminder. I have had my own share of woes in relationship, career and to
top it all, the internal conflicts that I spent sleepless nights on, but this ring
has stuck with me and faced all with me. It not only made me feel independent
and secure but also nudged me to become a strong individual from within. It stuck
with me. Like a reminder. Not only about what I have achieved and can achieve.
More importantly it is a reminder to love myself and unapologetically keep on
doing it.
Strangely we all have succumbed
to the belief that self-love is a job of the headstrong, obstinate, and the
selfish. A woman should not give much care about her happiness and mental peace
but should always be on the giving end. This conditioning is costing, our
mental and emotional well-being, extortionately.
In searching and joining the
pieces of everything in the ecosystem, we are increasingly finding it difficult
to even acknowledge the serious issue. Finding the piece of our lost self. Our
society demands that we take care of our basic needs. Can a women take care of
others without even acknowledging her own need of keeping her emotions in
check? Don’t we women, have a responsibility towards us in order to maintain
the mental sanity? To love us unabashedly and be not at all sorry for it.
Like the first downpour that hits
the earth and before it surrenders it to the earth, it gives out a strong muddy
earthen scent. Though it bathes our nostrils with its lovely aroma, the
relationship is unsettling. Once the downpour blends and gives everything of it
to the earth, the aroma slowly fades away. Women, like downpour, give their
unconditional love to the family they love. With time, their sacrifice don’t count
for anything and slowly their own emotions fade away like that aroma of the
downpour. Committing themselves to the boundaries that society draws around
her. For all the things they do, what do they need in return? They shouldn’t. That’s
what we have been told and are conditioned with that mindset. Not to seek
anything in return. So be it. We don’t have to seek any validation or put
ourselves in the microscope of the other. The ring was not only an accessory on
my finger, adding an ornamental value but it had a deep-seated meaning attached
to it. It spoke volumes.
On women’s day, I would
like to share what it spoke:
Don’t seek validation. You are
the true judge of your actions.
You deserve better. Don’t be
with someone who tells you otherwise.
Enjoy what you do. If you
don’t, then it is time to introspect and take action.
Don’t multitask. Be mindful in
each task for mental peace.
Don’t be drawn into the world
of social media and underestimate what you do for your child. We all are
illustrious mothers to our children in our own respect.
Stop comparing yourself to
others. Socializing is competitive but don’t be harsh on yourself.
Bring on the positivity by
engaging with people who radiate positive attitude towards everything in life.
Let go of toxic people.
Tap into your creative energy
and give yourself a creative retreat
Discover your passion and make
others discover theirs.
And more importantly, Love
everyone around you but love yourself a little more. Unapologetically!
