Why children need their playtime?

Playtime is very essential for children especially in the growing age. We should make every effort possible to engage them in outdoor play. Children need to be in the outdoor space in order to show the signs of improvement in their cognitive as well as physical growth.

But what are the key effects or positive impact of a quality playtime on children.

Company matters

We know a companion brings a change in our behavioural patterns. Infact in every walk of life, we need a good circle to help us build right manners, improve our intellectual capacity and bring in a welcome change in our conduct, in front of the society. Same goes for children. Children need to be around the children of their age group. Playing and being with other children helps them know the value of sharing and caring. They will know what is compassion and empathy by being around with other children. Compassion is very difficult to teach and it is learnt only by observing. We should lead by example in imbibing this value in them. The most effective step is making them play with others. The space shared with other children will help them understand others and also show what lies in their own comfort zone and what does not.

Conflict management

Conflict lies out of the comfort zone isn’t it? Home is the inviolate space for most of the children. So conflict lies out of their homes. For example, play time also involves lot of fights, quarrels and petty squabbles, leaving us parents in a turmoil. It is a human tendency or call it a parental instinct to lend a support to our child in these times. Some scold their children, some forbid them from playing and some hover around at each point, suffocating them. In the process of protecting our children, we forget what is necessary and good for them and become an overbearing influence. Some conflicts need intervention but not all. More often, children make up soon. What we can do is have a talk with them when their emotions are not running amok and their brain is more integrated. Let’s tell them that the idea of conflict is okay and normal but it should not hamper the friendship or a bond that they share with the other children. Let them handle the conflict in their own way. Every day is different so play time gives us a perspective of our own children when they are in the conflict situations.

Emotions at play

To lead the previous point, perspective is very essential for us parents to know our children in a more personal way. Play time gives us an insight and reveal a great deal about their behaviour and their character traits. Do they rule or dominate the group? Are they stable and secured? Do they pick fights more often? Are they generous and kind toward others? Are they gentle towards other’s feelings? Are they often hurt and are victims of fear or neglect? So many thoughts echo when we are at the park, observing them play with others, isn’t it? The play time helps us to know the unknown emotions that lay hidden or dormant, and make us more aware about our children. Once we get to know, we can be an anchor, guiding them to tread slowly and mindfully reach the safe harbour.

Playtime is not only fun and rewarding but also becomes an eye opener for us parents. It will reveal much about our children that we might otherwise have never noticed. So, pull every stop and make sure that your child gets adequate play time. It will not only enrich their life but also shapes them to become a better and integrated individual.

Time to look into our Inside Edge

Conditioning matters. Building a right narrative in the early age matters.

What are we if not for our conditioning or upbringing? And why does it matter so much?

Kids play and if the kid doesn’t mix up well or fit into an environment, one jumps into conclusion that he or she hasn’t brought up well or question his or her conditioning. Everytime a person does some wrong action, it is led to believe that the person has not brought up well or rather in a right atmosphere. Some pity themselves for the wrong actions while some play the victim card. Victim to our upbringings.

We are all slaves to our upbringing. Upbringing works closely to our minds so we can equal our slavery to our minds which is to some extent true isn’t it? Our mind plays a big role in the way we conduct or perform an action.

Right upbringing is rewarding whereas wrong upbringing will backfire one and create misery in one’s life in the long run.

How?

I was watching Inside Edge – a web series in Amazon Prime and there was a situation played by the two actors in which conditioning took a center stage. I really felt there was a strong story there that should be told. Maybe I saw more to it and resolved to show my readers too. 

The characters discussed below are portrayed by the actors Amit Sial and Siddhant Chaturvedi.

(Siddhant Chaturvedi as Prashant and  Amit Sial as Devendra Mishra)

 The two don’t share a friendly relationship and are hostile towards each other so much that Devendra continuously annoys and goes rough on Prashant. Infact, his hurling tirade of abuses and loathing becomes a reason to a crime that Prashant doesn’t want to be part of. This happens towards the end of the first season of the series and director gives a cliffhanger ending to the situation making the viewers wait.

Come season two, Devendra haunts Prashant not only throwing nightmares but also during his every waking moment. At one point he becomes a sole reason for Prashant’s deteriorating scores in the tournaments. Prashant cries, loses his sanity and indulges in rash driving.

In one episode towards the end of season two, they are locked up in a prison, together and having no other for company, they are forced to blurt out the anguish and frustration on one another. The bubble bursts. Devendra breaks out. Lost to smithereens, he vents out his frustration on his conditioning. The way caste system refused to hide its ugly head in his growing years and how society and his own family played a major role in framing and shaping his unhealthy mindset. Having said that, he hits a nail by saying that this conditioning has occupied a strong hold in his mind and will take long time to depart his mind and soul.

After a few dialogues and monologues, tables turn, nerves of the two calm, and they are seen sharing water from the same bottle. The scene of animosity fades and friendship starts to sprout between the two.

Here we should not forget that this is a web series. Reel life! Here we will often see the tables turn. Foes become friends, petty squabbles become a foundation to deep bonding, ruffling feathers will provide a new hope of friendship by leaving past behind and so on. But real life is different. The conditioning will stay for real. The acrid taste will never leave. The negative element in the conditioning will wrap us in its ugly shell. The table of it will dug its heels deep into the ground and they will never change their positions. The hatred will never fade away but it will get stuck to the individual and will haunt for their lifetime.

In his book ‘With love from hills’, Ruskin Bond quotes “The moments or situations of childhood are the one which lingers with us forever”, which is so true to the point.

If Inside Edge talks about changing dynamics in a relationship, one thing which I find relatable that even amidst the acting, the truth peeps out. The truth always find its own way of making its presence felt.

The scene further unfolds by actor quipping  “Whom I should blame or to whom I should apologize. Those memories stay with me and never chose to take a backseat even if I have come so far.“

Here, I would not blame Devendra for being so harsh on Prashant even though there were times I wanted to rip him into pieces. Given his place (acting abilities apart), he was right. His sensibilities and world view are shaped by his society and people he grew up with. Had been a change in the worldview of those people, he would have been a different person. A reasonable and compassionate human being.

At the outset, uprooting a right conditioning inside our child is totally on us. We have a choice to sow the seeds of negativity or positivity in a child’s mind. We definitely do have a choice but our choices trace back to our conditioning. How we condition our child will say how we are conditioned! We should sit back, introspect, observe our actions and reactions to the situations and then we should unlearn our conditioning and that is when a real change will encircle us. The churning within us give rise to new birth of our new self. Once the change draws us closer, the new mindset will make ourselves fit to condition or shape our children to a better, well-informed and happy individual. 

What is a good time to introduce reading to a child?

We all have heard that children who are introduced books at an early age associate reading with enjoyment and value the books to a great extent. Even mothers claim that reading at the time of pregnancy helps children activate their response to the written word more effectively and when the child is born, they response or send signals that they are listening to the story read aloud. How lovely isn’t it!

Many ask what is the right age to introduce the books to a child and how can we develop adequate interest in our little reader’s mind in regards to books.

While one can always read when one is carrying a child in their womb, below mentioned points discuss mainly about the time to introduce the books when they are born and are full of flesh and bones.

We all know that we don’t get to sleep enough in the first three months as the child’s circadian rhythm is not set to our schedule. The lack of sleep will push us to be a zombie all through the day and our equilibrium goes for a toss. So, let’s give first 3 months a complete rest from the books and start our small read aloud sessions in the fourth month. Now that moms must have gained some sense of equilibrium in their busy schedule, lets pick our first books for babies and start reading out few words from them. Take your own poetry book or some folklore book and read to your child when he or she is having their porridge or solid foods.

They will cry initially not able to understand anything but over a period of time, they will start to associate the time of their porridge with the read aloud sessions. In the book, ‘The Whole Brain Child’, Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, they have mentioned that ‘neurons that fire together wire together’. So, a child’s brain doesn’t require much time to put one and one together. To give snippet of the saying, Ron had an uncle who got him chocolates after his exams. Now Ron gets enthusiastic on his final exam paper as he knows that his uncle will arrive with a box of chocolates. So, the exams and chocolate box get wired together in Ron’s mind.

Likewise, the pattern of porridge and reading gets wired together, enabling them to listen to your words. Even if it is superficially done, they will pick up the words and deposit them into their subconscious mind only to produce them later.

Once they are able to sit on their own, try to get colourful board books and musical books so that they enjoy touching them. They will touch, gauge the textures, play with the books, put it inside their mouth, try to chew down the hard paper and try to tear the soft paper books. These are all part of their journey to become a reader. Like us, they also need time to settle with some feeling. It will take time for them to develop love and care towards books like we do. So, embrace all their behaviour and do not condemn them. You can try to get lot of illustrative board books around this time which will calm your nerves which will be difficult for them to tear or chew. Don’t think that your child is destructive and stop getting them books. They will get this behaviour out of their system. From biblioclast to bibliophile, the road might be different for every child but getting the child books and you reading them along with your child, will shorten the time it takes to reach the latter. Once they are over 1 year, start scheduling your reading time and do it every day. That is every day even if it is just for five minutes. This will bring them to the understanding that books are important and reading them is crucial in your busy lives. 

Now that you got an understanding on when to introduce the books, please come back to this space again to read few of my self-exercised tips on how to develop interest on reading, in your child.

The Tale of Chitrapur and a Rabbit

Once upon a time, far away on the other side of Chitrapur, there lived a kingdom of Bansari. Bansari was the rich and prosperous king. He was known to be very kind with his subjects. The village under him and its villagers were not prospering and the people were not happy. Though he put lot of effort for his subjects and their happiness, it did not seem to work and somehow it backfired. They drowned in sorrow and lost themselves to ill-health. They often complained and fought with each other. The king saw that his people remained unhappy and wanted to do something to better the situation. He called all his experts and asked to assemble them on one evening. It was a full moon day and the king thought that waxing moon would bring some light on his villager’s lives and end their suffering.

The court was filled with chief advisors.  Also, many people came to witness the meeting. The king sat on his throne. He discussed the pressing matter which came in way between him and his sleep. He told that he was sad to see his people suffering from ill health and sorrow.

The king began “Tell me what should I do? What is the solution to this problem? I am running out of solutions and You, my expert advisors, will come up with the solution and tell me by the next full moon day."

The experts and the chief advisors ran their hands over their temples. Some spoke in whispers.

“Okay, the one who comes up with the solution will receive an award and a small property too"

No sooner the king’s voice scarcely ended than the voices in the court rose and the smile lurked in the corners of their lips. People were extremely happy hearing this and sudden excitement filled the air, clearing the tension.

The search for the solution began. The king, having put the burden on others, heaved a sigh of relief. Though he did not think much about it, his mind wandered at the solution. What if they did not find any solution? What if someone comes up with a solution which will not work in a long run? These thoughts paraded his mind and he again went back to his shell.

On the other side of the hill, flowed river Bhama. Its beautiful stream and the crystal-like water enthralled everyone. On one corner of the river, nested a family of Rabbits. They were happy, free and wild. They did not fight with anyone. They loved and cared for each other. Although, they had to work hard to find food, they were happy and content. They hopped and tickled each other. They ran free on the fields. When the sun came down, they went inside their shell to repose for the day. The Rabbits always had each other for the company. They did their job at peace and enjoyed at the end of the day.

One fine evening, the baby rabbit, while playing in the tail end of the river, hid behind the bushes. It became dark and the baby rabbit couldn’t escape out of the bushes as its leg got stuck in the marshy meadows. It somehow pulled its leg and tried to walk down all the way towards its home. The dark night made it very difficult for the baby rabbit to get back to its home. The sudden noise and call of the birds, the shrill voice of the other forest animals frightened the rabbit. It lost its way and saw a shimmering lantern faraway. It walked and reached the gate of the kingdom of Bansari. The guards of the palace saw the rabbit walking slowly, lifted it and bathed it nicely. The mud got washed in the water and the rabbit was clean again. The guards took it inside. The message was sent to the king that a rabbit from the forest is in the palace. The king smiled and ordered the messenger to take the rabbit to his young son who was just 5 year old.

The rabbit was thrilled to see the cherubic smile on the little prince’s face. The prince too glowed with pleasure seeing the white fluffy animal. He ran his fingers and tickled the rabbit. The rabbit was happy to see the small human and went on hopping here and there almost covering the entire perimeter of the cherub's room.

5 days hence

The prince was busy playing with other toys and occupied himself with other activities. The activities during the day left no time for him to play with the rabbit the way he used to. The rabbit felt sad and lonely. Though he was enthralled at first, with prince pouring love and affection, now he missed his own family. The attendant in the palace was asked to take the rabbit to the garden. He was happy that he was gonna get outside the prince’s room. Now he will see other animals and can play with them. As soon as he was in the garden, he was welcomed with cold shoulder. The animals were hostile towards the rabbit. He saw the cold air enveloped in the garden. The animals did not play with each other and were busy with themselves. The rabbit couldn’t fathom the situation very clearly though he could see the friendly air was amiss. The rabbit suffered greatly. His suffering reflected on his health. The doctors were called to examine the health of the poor rabbit. The ill-health made the rabbit pale and frail.

The king couldn’t come up with the solution. He was already too busy with the kingdom affairs and the brewing problem of his people’s suffering and now one more thing added up to his misery. The rabbit was suffering and losing its existence day by day. The king, having thought at length, sent a message to his chief advisor. He asked them to take the poor rabbit to the far away forests and leave it in the wild. “Let him be free in his last few days as we couldn’t do much to take him out from this condition”, were his words.

The advisors assembled and an attendant carried the frail rabbit on his shoulder and boarded the carriage. As soon as they reached the forest land, they alighted the carriage and walked through the steep ravines. They reached the other side of Chitrapur where the river Bhama ran. The mouth of the river had a divine-like façade. They sat near the water for sometime with the rabbit. The rabbit saw the surroundings with its weak eyes. The surrounding looked familiar. He began to shake its body and tried to sit up. The attendant acknowledged the change in the rabbit’s behaviour. He called all the advisors to witness the same. They were all thrilled. Muffled whispers were heard and the Rabbit gave itself a vigorous shake and drifted away from the attendant’s lap. It hopped and ran here and there. Everyone was puzzled and couldn’t comprehend the situation yet they thought that this surrounding brought change in the rabbit’s manner. They were all pleasantly thrilled. Then they saw a visual which they did not experience in their kingdom. The birds shrieked with glory. The quiet call of the animals turned into noisy laughter. The Rabbit family seeing its own offspring jumped with delight. They hopped, squeezed, cuddled and hugged each other at at the same time. The birds squealed with joy and the tiny insects came out of their tiny homes to witness the joy too. The Rabbit family became one and people saw a blanket of white before them, all folded into one another.

The hostility they used to see and experience in their kingdom and the people living under the king and in the animals that they were domesticating in the palace garden , came before their eyes. The only solution to uplift them from the misery and a solution which will put their king’s worries to rest were friendship and love. Though they had everything in their kingdom which made them prosper, their discontent often led them live a peace less life. Not only that, they often lost themselves to sickness and poor health. The lesson that the little rabbit taught them was priceless. The rabbit opened their eyes by bringing them to the place that it lived and offered them a solution to their great problem. A solution that will overcome their difficulties, giving the people and the king of Chitrapur, happiness and peace.

From then on, Chitrapur saw peace and content. The king was happy with ecstasy that unfolded in front of his eyes. He was grateful to the rabbit forever for bringing the joy to his surrounding and making it firmly inhabit, not only in their lives but also in their hearts too. The rabbit family were often visited and forest animals were given more care by the king and his retinue. The animals in the palace garden were friendly and kind towards each other.

The young prince was now 8 years. He was often seen with his attendant on the other side of Chitrapur where the rabbits and other animals lived. The rabbit and its family also enjoyed the company of the little prince.

The clear water in the river Bhama shone like a pearl taking in the happiness in its vast expanse.

Striking a chord in a highly discordant atmosphere - Part 2

Mother,

Whatever I say or write about you, it will be never enough. Still on this special day when universe is celebrating about motherhood, I would like to pen my thoughts. And to note, I have only picked the fragmented thoughts of all the children who are staying seperately from their parents in the home land or far-off lands, and gave voice and light to those thoughts through my words. I am sure everyone's thought echoes the same feeling as mine. This is one of the loaves that I am offering as a slice and I am sure there are multiple loaves flavored with different forms of the same emotion spread across the world, waiting to be baked and offered to all the mothers around the world.

In the middle of this prolonged period of uncertainty, when I cannot see you or be physically present, I don't feel any lack of your presence. It is like you are present in my implicit memory and subconscious, and whatever I do, I just carry you in it and execute. Every time I pound that garlic and slit that chilly, or extract that tamarind juice for the rasam that I intend to make, my thoughts travel to your kitchen and think if this is how you used to make. How much chilly powder do you add in this curry? How much jaggery to be added to the bitter guard to get the taste similar to yours? All these thoughts travel breaking the barricades and checkpoints that are imposed in this lockdown, free from the confines of our open prison.

Every time I get confused with the overwhelming information of the recipe cards that I flip through, your number comes to my mind and I quickly close all those open tabs and recipe windows. Not only they could match up to your degree of excellence but teachers have a knack in making children understand. You are my first teacher so you have an ability to solve my best of problems and erase my confusions.
The summery heat and the blazing afternoon are enough to kill one so much that I wonder about the situation in your place and how you are coping with the surging heat. Then I think about your strength. I draw strength from your strength and go about facing the heat that the fulgour of sunshine throws it on my face.

Meg of Little women felt bliss when she quoted "it really seems like being a fine young lady, to come home from the party in a carriage and sit in my dressing gown with a maid to wait on me". In reality, it never was the case instead we all had our mothers waiting patiently with a question in her gaze when we entered our homes,. "Did you eat anything?".

Mother, though you did not have a storied past, you work assiduously to give us a celebratory future which in turn will become our storied past to regale and feel happy about.
Mother, you are the subconscious and every little detail in our daily routine. You are the endless expanse of love roaring relentlessly towards us. You will always be. Every mother has a mother of hers nicely tucked and embedded in every fiber of her body.

Thank you for being the way you are ❤️
Happy mother's day!

Striking a chord in a highly discordant atmosphere - Part 1

Motherhood! It is to think how lovely to have that extra time with your kid, which you won't get otherwise when not in lockdown. And it is also about shooing that thought the next minute and planning on lying to your family about the 21 day meditation course that you gonna enroll after the lockdown, but secretly scouting for the travel iteranary to go solo on some virgin island. One moment they inspire such a surge of love that it send you feeling and gasping for breath, and the next moment it is about jelly and biscuits, or needing a number two.

In a whole, it's all about a circle. It's all about what goes round comes around. It's all about seeing them bat their eyelashes and rolling their eyes like the way you did in your teens when inundated with questions from your mothership. It is all about chasing and running behind them and seeing them don the decorative ears, not inching a bit forward to what you say. Just the way you were in you were when you were three quarters. It's all about listening to a preachy lecture from your 4 year old when you accidentally place the steaming coffee cup on the table without a coaster or a saucer. Catch that 'you only said so look'.  It's all about, well, hold your breath. It is also about all those beautiful details and little somethings that you happily offered to your parents. Now I can hear your sigh of relief slyly escaping out of you. 

 We all need one squishy hug for putting up a brave face day after day just like our mothers did it in the past. Mandala. A circle. A complete 360 degree of our past rewinded in front of us.

Un abrazo a distancia (a hug from distance) to you!

To more giggles and thunders, Happy mother's day!

Cavafy in the times of lockdown

The lockdown period gets extended. We are fighting the deadly virus by staying indoors. A responsibility to be fulfilled in order to flatten the curve.  Social distancing. It might find its way in our dictionary very soon given how far fetching the positive effects are. These effects will help our nation run this mission of saving lives more smoothly. It is crucial to distance oneself from the society for the betterment of our society.

Cavafy, the 20^th century Greek poet, expresses it in one of his great works ‘ As much as you can’ . So the lines go, If you cant shape your life, your life the way you want, atleast try as much as you can not to degrade it by dragging it along taking it around and exposing it to the daily silliness of social events and parties. As he rightly said, why degrade or make our life miserable by taking part in any social gathering which could pose a threat to the mankind. Lets practice isolation for sometime.  For peace and stability in future. Lets be wise enough to remove ourselves from social setup for time being.

Now we are in the second phase of lockdown. The social distancing is being practiced. We are managing our daily life by removing ourselves from any position that will demand us to show us in public except for our essential needs. Even if we continue to remove ourselves from showing up in public place, there are depressing moments. There will be. The day starts with tons of chores ready to be fulfilled by us. Those times are when our energy is at the peak. But as the day crawls and sun sheds its glorious visage, the moments of low hit us hard. We cannot continue being in the crest. There will be troughs too in the wave of life. A reality that cannot be ignored.

As the moments of low get hold of us, it creates disharmony between us and our mental state. If reassuring sameness gives us comfort after every leisure travel, then this sameness which we are experiencing currently doesn’t seem to be very reassuring. And this state of ours, this feeling, is rightly expressed through words by Cavafy in another of his great works. The poem Monotony reads like this:

One monotonous day is followed by another monotonous day, identical day,

The same things will happen, they will happen again –

The same moments find us and leave us

A month passes and ushers in another month

One easily guesses the coming events;

They are the boring ones of yesterday

And the morrow ends up not resembling a morrow anymore

As the last line goes, our morrow will mirror today. Our morrow doesn’t seem to change or bring any new element. Atleast that is what it looks for the foreseeable future.

As many of us have settled and found a workable routine with their office calls, meetings, household chores and tending to child’s needs, it is very important to find happiness in the middle of these. Very important. And what will give us happiness in this difficult time, you may ask. But for me, happiness is keeping myself sane. To keep myself going. It could be anything ranging from sharing delicious food with my partner and kid, or just reading my favorite book for 20 minutes or listening to great music at the end of the day. And as we oscillate between the chaos and the rigidity that comes as a package in these trying times, the mid-point where our mental state gains equilibrium by maintaining a ritual is happiness to me. The point where I will truly find sense of satisfaction, accomplishment or joy, is what happiness is to me.

These are the small things that matters. We cannot wait for big things to happen if these small things are neglected. As they say, happiness is in the details, it is definitely in these atomic details.

To see the happiness in details, we should start taking notice of our surrounding and harmonize ourselves with it. One at a time. Let’s be mindful in practising our small things and fit those into our routine. Over a period of time, the habit that we practice today or a passion that we take up today, will fall into our routine.

 They say memories are the ones which give us happiness so let’s build memories in this lockdown period too. Lets make a memorable past of this lockdown and handover to our future. But I would not fully agree with it. Memories are like archive files that are retrieved when we reminisce or run through the photographs in an album or listening someone regale the stories of the times gone by. Once we listen or share the stories, we will plunge ourselves in a state of nostalgia. Agreed. But that will only derive us short term happiness. The daily habit or a passion that we practice and make it fall into a routine, will not only promise us but also deliver a happiness that will be for long-term. 

Forever.

 I would like to end this with Cavafy’s lines ‘ Spring is within me, true joy’.

And it will never be a matter even if outside winter spreads fog, clouds, and cold. Spring will be within us. Always. Let’s awaken the spring within us and make it find our true joy. I really hope that you will.