There is always a tiger in the room – What did Sheeba do?

There is always a tiger in the room – what did Sheeba do?

(Did she remember her list? Or did she reach out to herself first?)

Your kids, your keys, your family photo album. It’s the list your repeat in your head before you fall asleep. It’s the short list of things you grab in case of disaster. The list makes you feel in control. Your kids, your keys, your family photo album. When the fire starts, when the tsunami hits, when the Earth literally quakes, do you remember your list? Or do you just duck and cover? – Grey’s Anatomy

 

If you have watched Grey’s Anatomy, this quote will ring a bell. When I heard this quote in the episode for the first time, I was lost in thought, wondering how on earth can we could choose between the list and our personal safety.

What do you care about most when you are in freeze, fight or flight mode? Do you remember the list that you have secretly rehearsed every night before you hit the sack or do you just hunt for a place of refuge to shelter yourself first? The point is you don’t have to choose between the two. Because there is no compulsion to avoid the latter to reach for the former. Nor an award felicitation ceremony to reward you if you choose to don the hat of a martyr. When you are hit by a disaster, it is alright to duck and cover yourself first so that you can be the cover for others. 

From time immemorial, we have consciously chosen safety as our prized possession. The tiger is always present in our heads. Even if it is not physically present, it is living rent free in our heads. We don’t realise our abilities to combat one until we actually face it. And tiger, in any form, is still a tiger and we make sure in our absolute best capacity to keep ourselves safe from its eyes.  

It was like any other day. Sheeba was in the bathroom, taking a bath. It was a warm and sunny afternoon. The monsoon winds had drifted away, and the sun had shown up with its long rays – their tongues lavishing the walls and ceilings. Just when Sheeba peeped out of her bathroom to check the time on the clock that hung in the drawing room, she saw something stirring in the first room. It came as a jolt to her nerves. A second later, she saw a giant form emerging out of nowhere, its endless tail following it faithfully. A huge sigh escaped her, emptying the air out of her lungs. Her scream fell on the form and it turned its head to see what is wrong with her.

“Monkey, Monkey!” – only her mouth moved, but her voice? Trembling with fear, she almost closed the door. A shiver ran down her spine, and the pounding throb of her heartbeat was deafeningly loud. She heard something fall, but she couldn’t dare venture out. She ducked and covered herself.

A minute passed, which felt like an eternity. She quickly headed to the bedroom and changed into a dress. It was already 1.30. She had to put on a brave front. All she wanted was to get to the drawing room, grab her purse and get out of the house even if it meant, coming face to face with the monkey. Behind the brave veneer lurked a fear that grew into a hideous form with every passing second. Not letting it get the better end of the bargain, she slowly tiptoed to check the first room. Noticing the coast was clear, she inched further to check the kitchen. Finding no monkey there, she closed all the windows.  She grabbed the purse and keys and quickly made her way to the elevator. She was shivering with fright as her mind replayed the events on a loop like a broken vinyl record.

She remembered her list, but she had to duck and cover to find a semblance of strength within herself. She had to tap into her reserves first.

Yes -  Your kids, your keys, your family photo album. It’s the list your repeat in your head before you fall asleep. It is the list Sheeba repeated and it was in her subconscious. The list made her feel in control. Her kids, her keys, her family photo album.

When the monkey came unannounced, did she remember her list? Or did she just duck and cover? Sheeba chose the second first but she dd not forget the list.

She changed the order. Herself, Her keys, Her kid.

 Maybe it is never about the list. It is always yourself first. Make yourself safe first before you head out to make others safe. The tiger is always in the room. You are always anticipating the tiger even if you are not but You need to pull yourself together first to fight it.