Monday, April 7, 2014

Oops......I got hurt.


Hurt is a four letter word in English but its effect is far reaching. When do people get hurt? Or when do they feel that someone has hurt them? They may get hurt through someone’s words or their behaviour. People hurt people by their way of talking, meaning something and behaving with them in an unpleasant manner. It can come as heavy when it is from very close ones. In loved ones, family and friends could hurt you. When the hurt comes from very close ones that is when you feel the hurt dreadful. You feel the mental pain and heaviness in your heart. It feels that you are carrying a 100 kilo bag over your back and hovering around. You feel that your life is devastated. You may not function properly with efficiency. You feel that zombies are better than you. The entire life comes to a standstill. So when this hurt comes and takes the control of your life, you need to seek help. You need to re-consider your thoughts and feelings and take proper action. A hurt can be of varied nature. It may be a bad breakup, conflict between parents or children, argument with your boss or co-workers, dispute between spouses etc. So what should we do or carry out when this hurt takes a strange hold and control our life. There are certain actions you may take to feel normal and good about yourself and be back with zeal and enthusiasm.
1.      Define pain: What is it bothering you? Is it the words that caused you pain or their treatment or their behaviour? Check if the person is close to you. If the person is not very close to you then treat this as a casual talk. Don’t bother so much as he/she is not very important person to you and they do not serve any purpose to your life. Stop feeling bad about it at once. Treat them with a pinch of salt. May be they are doing this to everyone. They actually need help and have to get treated by the Psychiatrist. It’s not you.

2.       Express the pain: One of the important things you should do is to express your feelings. Half the battle is won. If the pain is due to the words said by your close ones, then talk to that person. Tell them what is bothering you or causing you a pain. You can also tell them that they need to be very careful and not tread in the wrong path while talking to you. Tell them it is a sensitive issue and should not be discussed time and again. Henceforth that person would be extra careful and would not utter the words that will ache you. If the other person does not understands you or going on talking and giving the opinions from their end, then you need to press stop button or ignore. You cannot win here but do not feel bad as every lost battle is a ladder for a big triumph. May be it is a matter of time that they will understand your position and would make amends shortly.

3.      SOAR Approach: Define the situation. How is the situation? How did the situation arise? What are the obstacles that you face in communicating with this person? What all actions you would take in relation to this situation? Note the results you get in return when you your methods to avoid hurt. If the result is very positive, use this approach. Else re-view the situation and try different actions to get the desired result.

4.      Music and Time allocation: Whenever we face some unpleasant moments with someone, give yourself a me time. Get your CDs together and play some songs which will soothe your mind. Also watch some comedy serial or movie to reduce the much caused stress by the words and gesture. Allocate time to worry. May be you could define the time of ‘worrying’ to half an hour at the end of the day. This will cause less amount of pain and in that process you will forget that you have saved that time of worrying as at the end of the day you will have thousands of good things to share and laugh.

5.       Life is not that complicated: Each and every day comes with loads of pleasures and its own setbacks. You do not have to fret so much over one topic or issue that has cropped up because of someone. You are the sole person who thinks that what other person has said is hurt or it is just a casual remark. Not only the person caused you the stress is responsible for this situation but also you are equally responsible. Why? Hmm, because thinking and rethinking about that particular misunderstanding or moment is making you hurt more. So, pause for some time. Take things one at a time and tread slowly. Take a deep breath and listen to your heart beat for a while as this exercise would calm your senses and you are ready to conquer the world all over again.

Hurt is a short word in English but in our lives it impacts so much that it leaves a mark on our heart. Sometimes, it would be a cause for break in a relationship. So everytime someone throws the words at you, think about it, Is it worth picking up a battle with them or is it okay to lose this battle? Not every battle is to be lost. At the same time, you cannot win every battle. So balance your equation with the person by voicing out your opinions and at times by being silent. Controlling the hurt is an art.














2 comments:

  1. An art indeed. It is a very complicated situation whether to let it out of the system or on the person or be silent.

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  2. I agree. Controlling hurt is truly an art. an Art that probably takes years and years to master. And probably not even then. Really great tips there Saranya :)

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